Truth Will Show

Have you ever feel like you're being secluded?
Have you ever been ignored for your existence?
Have you ever feel like your well being is never been considered?
Have you ever been in a society where you don't belong?

Where you give your best for others' comfort and happiness, but yours always comes last? 

You do your best
to make people happy
to make people comfortable
to give them their needs

But yours--happiness, comforts, and needs--will always be forgotten. 

Have you ever met people who don't completely ignore you
but not completely accept you either?
Have you ever helped people so bad
but not appreciated?
Have you ever took care of others
but rather than they take care of you,
they choose to be selfish...
they choose to forget you...
they choose to only think about theirselves..

Have you ever been there? Have you ever been in that condition?

Because I have. I am, now.

And yet, I'm here,
suddenly awake by the time that passes by,
catching up the reality that I left for a year,
introducing the new me to the old people who don't understand my new perspective about things,
adapting, once again, to the old life,

And yet, I'm still here, slowly pursuing my dreams

I need to wake up, soon

"It's hard," I think

"It's almost impossible," I think

"But life must go on," people says

"You can't live in the past, forever," I know

"But the past is my dream. The past is my life!" I cried

"Yes. But you're not living in a dream world anymore," they say

"But how can I ever forget my dream? It's my life!" I shouted

"You don't need to forget.

You just need to,

Wake up."


#########

 I apologized if this post is really confusing.

Dear

I’ve never liked the idea of counting time, except maybe when I’m exercising, or cooking, and waiting for the breaks to come. Counting days, weeks, months, and years horrifies me the most. Sometimes, I just want to forget what date today is, what month today is, what time it is now, only so that I can enjoy whatever I am doing now without realizing that I will be going back home, soon. Dear oh dear, it is April already. Without counting it, I know that I will be in the plane heading back to Indonesia in two and a half months. Dear oh dear, Sitka is just too small to not be loved.

Dear 15 minutes-walk to school and 20 minutes-walk back home,

Dear sitting on the hallway with others for lunch because we’re just too cool to sit in the commons,

Dear seven periods Mondays that I love,

Dear second’s semester A day that never gave me homework,

Dear 10 minutes-change after school and 10 minutes-walk to the soccer field,

Dear the swan lake that’s frozen in winter and let me ice skate on it,

Dear, I just can’t write all the things

To be continued

I, am dreaming

I don’t remember ever waking up anymore.

It all started on July 18, 2013. I’ve been dreaming and never woke up since then.

Everyday, since that date, nothing could harm me. Because I, am living in a world of dream. It does not necessarily mean that I’m dead already, or, does it?

The world seems to be on my side since that day. Before that day, my piece of soul always wanders around the world, without me. My piece of soul always dreamed of taking my body with it. I could only dream at that time. When finally, a piece of paper put me asleep for a period of time which I believe will never be enough for me. That piece of paper finally give my soul a chance to take my body away from my old life. That piece of paper, is the one thing that makes me live my life in a dream world. And that piece of paper is my placement for my exchange year. 

Yes. I've been living in this world of dream because I am now starting my new life and at the same time, I'm wrapping up all the dreams that I've been living in this past 9 months and try to put them all in a jar.

to be continued

People around me here always tell me how lucky I am to be an exchange student.
They said, it's really lucky to have a second family.

A family that you can always visit, one day.

and then I cried.

When People Ask

When people ask me, why I wanted to be an exchange student,
I said, I wanna travel the world.

When people ask me why I wanted to be an exchange student,
I said, I wanna make people understand Islam better

When people ask me why I came to the US,
I said, I wanna tell them that Moslems are not terrorists.

When people ask my why I wanted to be an exchange student,
I said, I wanted to have a lot of experience

When people ask me why I wanted to be an exchange student,
I said, I want to be independent and see the world by myself

When people ask me why I wanted to be one,
I said, I want to study

But to be honest, when people ask me why I wanted to be an ambassador of my own country as an exchange student,
I guess, I just want to have a story.

A story that one day, if my friends, parents, and children, want me to tell them, I will never get bored of it. Neither do they.
Yes. That never-ending story.

Have ever had a best friend?
A best friend because he/she understands you?
A quick best friend because you share the same experience?


but at the same time,
your best friend is so full of his/herself
that best friend talks a lot
talks about themselves
like everyone's paying attention
like everyone cares

but actuallly,
her story is so boring
no one cares
no one pays attention

do you have that kind of best friend?
because I do
and that's annoying

Let me tell you one thing, sometimes, when you worked really hard to achieve something and somebody just take it away, that suck